I Hate Everything About You (Me)

August 27, 2007

I think it is fair to say I have low self esteem. Maybe it is because I am fat, or because I’m not very quick to understand things, or because I’m not very popular. Who knows. The point is that often I tend to hate myself, sometimes with legitimate cause and other times, without. I have this thing where occasionally I tell myself.. “Life would be so much easier if I wasn’t a Christian, cause then I could do this and this. “This and This” can range from a variety of things, but that’s not the point. This is such a fail way to think. And I know that. Because wanting to go out with friends and drinking, without the guilt of my sin, is so worth eternal separation with God. Maybe I will grow out of this kind of thinking. Today I didn’t go to church or bible study, my reason.. I was watching a movie advocating gay marriage, with lost of sexual references and so on. I later heard about the sermon in church being about response to sin, citing the example of David and Bathsheba. I’m sure you understand the irony of the situation.

:: By huw bizzle 6 Comments


  1. indeed, the irony is substantial.

    I read an interesting article (from tricky’s site) about marriage. check it out. ummm. you know whenever i see you, you appear to be the life of the party. or popular to say the least, but it doesn’t matter.

    Comment by josh rayson — August 27, 2007 #

  2. Heheh, you’ve gone emo on your web log!

    Ah sorry, I have some trouble being serious on the web.

    You’re sounding scarily like your sister… should I say that here?

    Also, you’re hardly fat. There’s a reason we call you ‘Hugs’ but it’s a long, long way from fat.

    Comment by tricky — August 27, 2007 #

  3. i’ve noticed you’re using wikipedia links for movies now, instead of your old favourite imdb. any reason?

    Comment by mizzle — August 27, 2007 #

  4. Umm I just find that Wiki is supreme on giving detailed information on things, whereas IMDB is good for ratings and basic info such as year released. Tricky Ima blame all future emo incidents on the fact that I don’t drink a lot and am always thirsty.

    Comment by huw bizzle — August 27, 2007 #

  5. I don’t think things like weight or height or intelligence (the excess or lack of) are what cause low self esteem. I think our poor self esteem comes from other things, like coveting what we don’t have, or inability to give thanks, or… so it goes on.
    Anyway, the less you like about yourself, the more room you can leave for God to change, ’cause we suck too much to change it ourselves.

    Comment by Sylv — August 27, 2007 #

  6. I would disagree with Tricky and say that you are a little fat. However it’s not really an issue as it doesn’t stop you doing things you want to, such as playing sport, and I don’t think it really affects the way people think of you.

    I would say that watching said movie is more of a reason to have low self esteem.

    Self-esteem is basically worrying about what other people think of you, so for the most part you can just forget them. It gets boring caring.

    Comment by grizzle — August 27, 2007 #

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