Fizzle

Shame

I think everyone likes something that it is not socially appropriate to like. It may be a TV song, song or artist. Anyway I’m sure some of you have them, looking at you Josh with Gilmore Girls, so we’ll make a deal? I’ll post mine if you tell me yours? Before I say them I don’t adore these things I just may have liked/continue to like them a bit.

Mine are…

Britney Spears music up until the year 2002.
Sexy Back- Justin Timberlake
Other random hip-hop songs
World Wrestling Entertainment

when children attack

today’s morally ambiguous question from the internet: Suppose in a post apocalyptic world, you are a lone surviver. Then an army of five year old kids swarm you from all sides, hellbent on your demise. You have no weapons, only your punches and kicks can save you know. These kids have a bit of training in hand to hand combat, and are so drugged up on red cordial they won’t stop from trying to kill you, even if they see their best friend’s head ripped from his body. So how many do you think you could take (knock out or kill) before they overcome you? How many if you had a friend helping out?

After some discussion on the topic last night with bizzle, we decided that it would be less than you imagine, seeing as five year olds aren’t that helpless (think nathaniel two years ago) and when they all swarm you, your movements would be somewhat restricted, especially if they do that thing where they clamp onto your legs. Also, continual fighting is somewhat exhausting, and even though they’re small, it would still take effort to keep taking them out.
Our original conservative guesses were 10-15, but after thinking about it we managed to talk each other up to about 20-30 kids, doubled (or more) when with a helper. Tactics would include wearing boots and thick clothing, wielding an incapacitated kid as a make-shift weapon, and running around.

disclaimer: i didn’t make up this question, kids are awesome and i wouldn’t actually want to harm them in any way.

The Game

As some of you may know my family has this obsession with monopoly. It originates from my dads side of the family, and from what I have been told, (my family owned a corner store) back when my dad was like 46 and his sons were around 15 they used to play monopoly on friday nights, while digging into the shops large supply of sweets. Games often started at 6:00 in the pm and finish by 6:00 in the am. My nonno (grandfather), who I never met as he died a few years before I was born, then had to run the shop after a quick freshening up. Nonetheless this wasn’t ordinary monopoly, there were various alterations to cards and slight rule changes. My nonno and his sons often voice recorded the games, but unfortunately these tapes haven’t survived. Hundreds of family anecdotes, challenging Sylvia’s, were told and nowadays when myself, my dad and two uncles play these are often retold with great emotion. Anyway from about 1985 till about 2005 mononpoly was non-existent. Myself, Martha, Rodman and my mum always went together and mum didn’t fancy the idea of waiting around while we play a long game. Anyway soon we started playing it more and myself and dad made the 30 minute trip on our own. Massive rule changes were undertaken to the extent that if a rulebook were written, which I am considering, it would take huge amounts of time and would be very extended. Anyway we play the game on average maybe 1-2 times a week and have a running scoreboard of the past champions. Some of the games developments are just ridiculous. What I like about it is our version involves a lot more skill than normal monopoly which is largely dependant on the roll of the dice. The best part is playing while enjoying nonna’s famous pastas and going through a litre of apple juice per night. Occasionally the game gets very heated but no fights have occured yet which is good. I cannot count the amount of times i have made that same drive down the Hume Highway to my relatives house. I think if i move from Sydney next year, that is what I will miss most. I’m sure I have missed out on lots but if i remember something important i will add it.

Jailbreak

Today I was youtubing it up. I came across a news interview with some social commentator on Paris Hilton, yes I am very bored. Anyway this woman said something that wasn’t really funny but made me laugh.

Woman- I’ll tell ya something else, the only people who should look up to Paris Hilton are short people! And that’s only cause she’s 5 foot 8.”

I Lawled.

I Love Work

Well this week I started my HSC trials. They go for two weeks and I was lucky to enough to have four in four days. So i just finished with that big block and only have 2 left next week. So in the past 4 days I have had to sit through 10 hours of exams and when I calculate it I have written 40 pages of A4 in those 4 exams. I write like a sped so my hands get mad sore and sweaty. Such agony. Somehow in “Studies of Religion”, Ancient History’ and ‘Modern History’ I have picked three subjects where good marks are only given if lots is written and for each of those exams you have to remember heaps of dates and know at least 10 quotes for each. Though at least I don’t do any maths and sciences. When the trials finish I have a couple of assessments and revision for the rest of the term. Then just six exams and I am finished.

Zombie-Milk

An update on the Sydney-Albury shenanigans.

I none-stopped it (don’t tell my folks, Aaron) up to Sydney last Friday. Rolled in to Hugs’ place sometime in the evening. First thing we did was eat a chicken roll each. Because we rule at chicken rolls. Then we watched an old zombie movie from the eighties called The Evil Dead. It was about a bunch of kids who go and stay in a cabin in the woods, and get turned in to zombies. Zombie movies always end the same way, so it was a bit predictable. It was pretty bad because it was old, but kind of good at the same time. It wasn’t supposed to be funny, but we laughed hysterically at some points. Especially the awesome milk-spurting-from-death-wounds effects. It did manage some chills (mainly the “we’re gonna get you” chant). Hugs managed to sleep without his baseball bat or his stuffed duck, and even took the green couch for me.

On Saturday Sylv and I, along with a whole bunch of other people who do not have online presences worth linking to, headed up to Katoomba-ish area. And stayed in a cabin in the woods… We entertained ourselves bush walking - although it was more of a bush stroll - and making a fire. It was pretty cold so standing in front of the fire was more entertaining than you might imagine.

Somehow I managed to get sunburnt while there.

On the way up Sylv and I almost died, after she tried to change in to an occupied lane on the highway. Some massive overcorrection ensued, and we almost died a second time, 0.34 seconds after almost dying the first time. What can you do but laugh.

On Sunday night Rodman gave me a massive bowl of pasta. I scoffed it because Hugs and I were late for church and it was fine pasta, but I was uncomfortably full. Three days later I have not quite recovered and I end each meal very uncomfortably full again. Maybe this is gonna get me to bulk up like Winky?

Church was good, Kamal started slow with his sermon but came home strong. Loshua fizzled on the scratch up the back though.

At supper I went straight for the carrot - bad bad idea. It looked okay, but for some reason tasted completely feral. Hugs tried it too, and we ended up spitting it outside.

After church the idea of going for a swim in Junji’s pool came up. It started gaining momentum, so despite a few obstacles Loshua, Hugs, Junj, and I decided to go for it. I was a bit excited, ’cause hey, going for a mid-Winter swim in a non-heated pool is stupid and fun. It was so much worse than I expected. The guys were telling me how last time they did it no one could even manage to stay in for thirty seconds, and I was thinking that was pretty soft. I jumped in first - it took a lot of coaxing, standing mostly naked outside at 9 pm is pretty cold - and managed seven seconds. And that seven seconds included the jump in, resurfacing as quickly as possible, and scrambling for the side as quick as I could. As soon as I was out I just hunched over shaking, but after ten seconds being out of the pool felt very warm. I’m pretty sure that was not a particularly healthy situation. Hugs jumped in soon after, but Loshua took quite a lot of coaxing too. Junj was gonna cat it, but when Loshua jumped in he got inspired which was good. We managed jumping in three times each. and then we all fought over the shower. The shower burned.

Josh got a bit sad on the way back to his place though, because he had work due the next morning. But when the work’s done he’ll be totally thankful to us. Priorities man, priorities.

Back at Hugs’ place we started watching another zombie movie. This one was from the sixties, and was black and white. It wasn’t at all scary, but it was okay. We fell asleep though.

Monday morning I chillaxed with Sylv for a bit. We bought fail drinks at a cafe (her orange frappe apparently tasted like lemon, my iced tea was mostly iced… ice) and fed off each others cynicism for a bit, before I one-stopped it back home (shutup Aaron!) again.

middle of the road

so the other day (wednesday) one of my mates from school (rowan) rang me up and asked if i wanted to go to the manning bar with him cos some band he knows was playing and he get us in for free. see he’s doing some music course at uni and he’s pretty much coming first, so his lecturer (who manages said band) put him on the door list.

so we got there, ro & i line up, and when they check my driver’s licence, the doorman checks it & goes over it with a with a UV light, even though he didn’t check anyone elses with a UV light, probably cos he thought i had a fake ID or something.

the band was Cuthbert and the Nightwalkers, who have a mad choir (well, four backing singers anyway) as part of the band. they (the whole band) were quite good, even though they were kickin’ it acoustic styles and were apparently down a member it was very nice. they seem to be going places, having just toured with kate miller-heidke, and this tour with josh pyke, as well as some solo shows.

next was old man river, who was a tad boring. even though he is somewhat more famous than C&tNW, no one was really listening to him, they were just chatting. it seemed a tad rude, but his set just dragged on. finally at the end he played his popular song (la, aka the one on the great outdoors ad), but he slowed it down to half speed, so it was again tiresome, even though he got C&tNW’s choir on to help him. bit of a disappointment, cos i kind of liked that song and thought he might be better than what he was. oh well.

the main act was josh pyke, who was really similar to old man river, but he’s why everyone else was there, so they were quietish and listened. He played well, but i only know a handful of his songs, so alot of it just blended into amorphous folky acoustic background music. he was also somewhat disappointing, maybe my expectations were too high or summat. Also, on stage it was just him, with a lamp and a glass and a bottle of wine on a side table. arty i guess, but fairly plain.
his in between song banter was ordinary, mainly just talking about how he used to go to sydney uni, and he came second in the band comp once, but now look at him etc etc. one interesting note was how he was once the roadie at the manning bar and he had to lug gelbison’s equipment up all the stairs inside, but now old man river (ohad rien, formerly of gelbison) was his support act… i’m scared to say it’s ironic, given huw’s last post, but funny none the less. that was probably his best anecdote.
at one point he asked for any requests, and straight away these three guys sitting next to each other all called out a song. so quick it was as if they’d been practising and waiting for this time to arrive, just so they could hear some album track no one else cares for. freakin indie kids.
after forty-five minutes to an hour or so he closed with everybody’s favourite josh pyke song, (aka everybody’s favourite song without a chorus) middle of the hill. he then went off for all of thirty seconds before coming back for his encore. shortest time between finishing and encore ever.

we left during the first song of the encore.

American Idiot

Nothing beats a song with some killer lyrics, and I am not mentioning the song of the title of this post. Great lyrics make a great song. There is a Dennis Leary song called “Asshole” that topped the Triple J Hottest 100 in 1993. I quite like the song and while it isn’t noted for lyrical brilliance there is one line I think is funny, a bit dodgy though.

“Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces”

Anyway back to the point. There is a song by Alanis Morissette called Ironic. Now growing up I always liked this song. It had some cool words are was an alright pop song. Maybe you don’t know the song, I remember it was used as an illustration couple of years ago at Winter Camp. Only recently, after reading an article, I discovered that naming the song “Ironic” is stupid and that Ms Morissette should learn what irony is. Yes, there is a difference between unfortunate occurrences/bad luck and irony. Some lyrical examples include…

“It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay”- No it’s not
“It’s like rain on your wedding day “- Crashed and burned… again.
“It’s a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break”- Three strikes and you’re out.

And isn’t it ironic … don’t you think?”- Noooo!

I’ll leave you with some words of Ed Byrne, a British comedian who added his views to the song.

“There’s nothing ironic about being stuck in a traffic jam when you’re late for something. Unless you’re a town planner. If you were a town planner and you were on your way to a seminar of town planners at which you were giving a talk on how you solved the problem of traffic congestion in your area, couldn’t get to it because you were stuck in a traffic jam, that’d be well ironic. Rain on your wedding day is ironic only if marrying a weatherman and he set the date.”

Days of our lives

guest author: winky

i’m selling what old people call “the best days of my life” to target for $10 an hour.
and old people say that their days are not the best days of their lives. which means they have less value.
if they say that they are “the best days of my life” then why am i getting paid much less than fifty year olds who think their days are not the best days in their lives and therefore are worth less than mine.
why am i wasting the best days of my life at target when i should be… i dunno, doing other stuff.