Fizzle

eyes of the tigers

cos i’m supa

yeah, i know they’re lame and belong on myspazz pages, but i enjoyed them

Schools Out (Its a bit stereotypical)

Alas school is over. Finished.

bicephalicious

last night gav and i were discussing the ramifications of the girl with two heads. (or is that the two girls with one body?)
like, do they need separate ids? cos surely if one of them is over eighteen, so is the twin. how do they control their body, does one head control one half or summat? do they both feel pain from everywhere, or if one head got hit would the other one not feel it?
so many honest questions that are not politically correct, but intriguing none the less. (and i should note, i’m not trying to have a laugh at them, i’m just curious)

then that got me thinking about what if i had two heads, and i had my own sitcom? and one head was evil and kept punching the other one, even though they both got hurt. and when they go out, one gets drunk and the other is the designated driver. that’d be pretty funny. i’d watch it. although i doubt any networks would be brave enough to air such a ground-breaking piece of situation comedy.

anyway, it got me thinking enough to bother photochopping a pic of me to have two heads.

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like a surgeon / lump pt 2

I had my surgery yesterday, quite a novel experience because it was my first ever surgery, and i was unsure as to how the whole hospital thing all worked. But it was fine.

dad drove me over to the mater (pronounced martyr — thanks andy/junji/dad) which is in north sydney, not mona vale as i for some reason thought. we got there a bit early, so we walked around north sydney oval to pass the time. Along the way, we passed lots of north sydney GHS chicks who for some reason weren’t in school at 11:30. as we passed one particular group one of the girls goes to me “hey baby”. this is embarrassing at the best of times, because no one likes being made fun of, but even worse because i was with dad and he was like “did one of those girls just say something to you?”. awkward.

Anyway, we got into the hospital, and the bit before you go into the operating theatre where they get you to put on the gowns etc, i got a private room cos all the other beds were full. the nurse who was checking all my paper works asked if i needed my medical certificate cos i was missing school. well, i guess its better to be thought of as young than for them to think i’m in my thirties or summat. she also checked my blood pressure (126/80, not sure if that’s good or not). on my room’s tv i watched some Liberal member for the arts give a speech about how awesome the howard govt has been for the arts community. ungrateful lefties probably wouldn’t agree though.

then my bed got wheeled into surgery and everyone kept asking if i knew what procedure i was having done. at first i was worried, cos i thought they didn’t know, but then i realised they just wanted to make sure they had the right patient, and didn’t want to get a mix up lawsuit.
the anaesthetic was pretty rad, the doctor put it in through my drip, and the ceiling started going wavy, and then it got clearer and i was about to say, “uh, it’s not worked, don’t cut me up yet”, when i realised i was no longer in the operating theatre and it was an hour and a half later. drugs, lawl.

i was pretty lethargic & dizzy cos i was still waking up, but they wheeled my bed into another room where i could see out the window, and dad came in. i had two nurses, a fit british one and a ranga. they kept trying to get me to eat something, but i wasn’t hungry, even though i hadn’t eaten since an early breakfast. then i realised they wanted me to eat, not because they cared for my metabolism, but because they wanted to see if i would throw up after the anaesthetic as some people do. so i had some aj and a biscuit. they also gave me some sandwiches, but i didn’t want to eat them cos one of them had tomato and the other had avocado on it. yuck. also, i apparently don’t throw up after anaesthetics, which is good.

then i had to get dressed and kicky out, even though i was still a bit tired/dizzy. they checked my blood pressure again (this time 123/70) got me to sign my discharge papers and i was on my way home.

also, i forgot to mention that i have a large bandage over the area of the operation that looks & feels like adhesive cling wrap, that i’m not allowed to take off or get wet until sunday. which looks nasty cos it’s filling with blood and surgery gunk. i’ll finish this post with a pic of it:

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also, the scenester “look away from the camera thing” is not cos i’m scene, but because i have limited neck mobility and it’s awkward to look at the camera and look up so you get a good view of it.

also, tricky, i had to use a free image hosting website cos fizzle wouldn’t upload any of my pics. maybe you should look into that and fix it cos you’re an internerd.

[edit: i did some research, and apparently for blood pressure 120/80 is the 'gold standard' though anywhere from 110-140/70-90 is fine/normal.]

Just Do It

Over the last couple of weeks I have, on countless occasions, started writing a post, only to realise half-way through that it is either lame/boring/random/inappropriate. It is when I realise this that I immediately stop writing and deleted my two lines of work and go back to doing whatever I was doing, generally nothing. Is this a comment on my life? That I have nothing interesting to contribute. No passing moments of reflection on spirituality and philosophy. No Sylvia-like anecdotes. I seriously almost deleted this post cause I wasn’t satisfied with it. Ahhh my weblog skills are amazing aren’t they?

baseball

bet hugs’ wishes he did this when he played baseball

it’s crazy hectic

[edit: to see why this is hectic/rad, you have to watch the bat]

Death or Glory

whilst wasting time on the internets lately, i came across this awesome wiki list of people’s last words. some people are famous, others are just important enough to have had their last words recorded, and some kids have mad funny ones while some have poignant, philosophical last words.

here are some of my favourites:
- “Draw your sword and kill me, so they can’t say, ‘A woman killed him.’” — Abimelech, One of the Judges of Israel. apparently, during a siege a lady dropped a mill-stone on him, mortally wounding him. what a champion for not wanting to be killed by a chick. you can read it in Judges 9:50-55.
- “Pee Pee” — Freddie Mercury (what a joker)
- “No” — Alfred Rosenberg (some kid about to get executed, when asked if he had any last words… oh the irony)
- “I just had eighteen straight scotches. I think that’s the record” — Dylan Thomas (some poet)
- “Why, yes, a bulletproof vest.” — Domonic Willard (some no name, when asked if he had any last requests before his death by firing squad)
- “Lady, you shot me!” — Sam Cooke (american gospel singer, after being shot)
- “I shall be with Christ, and that is enough” — Michael Faraday, on being asked “Have you ever pondered by yourself what will be your occupation in the next world?”

so yeah, there’s heaps more, and most of them are pretty cool, but some are boring/lame.
kind of got me thinking about what my last words would be (if had the fortune of knowing i was about to die and had some time to say them). i’m torn between having a joke or saying something profound about my faith… but hopefully i won’t have to make the decision too soon.
Of course, being me, i’ll probably end up saying something completely inappropriate, and my last few moments on earth will be awkward for everyone else, while i’ll be smiling cos i think i’m the funniest guy ever.

lump

as some of you might know, for the past 3-4 months i’ve had a lump underneath my chin.
i saw the doctor about a month after i noticed it cos i hadn’t gone away. he said it was fine, it was just some sac under my tongue that had filled with fluid and would go away soon, but he’d get it checked out with an ultrasound anyway, given dad’s history.
the ultrasound revealed that there were multiple lumps, but the others were much smaller, so they didn’t matter. after the ultrasound my doctor said it was a sort of cyst on my lymph nodes, and they should go away within a month or so. if not, i should just come back and he’ll drain it for me.
roughly two months after that (toady) i go back to get it drained. that doctor had moved to another practise, so i had a fill-in lady doctor. i told her i was in to get my cyst drained, and she gave me a weird look and said that it wasn’t a cyst, but my lymph nodes were enlarged. she then checked all my other lymph nodes. when she was feeling fo the ones under my arms, i very nearly burst out laughing cos i’m quite ticklish, but somehow i managed to keep my composure and just smile very hard. then, i had to drop trou so she could check the lymph nodes in my groin. why am i always removing my pants for medical peeps these days? at least i was wearing some new, nice jocks, so i wasn’t too embarassed.
she seemed a fair bit more concerned about it than the first doctor, and asked me a few questions to try and work out why i have it. turns out that it could have been caused by a cat scratch, namely ranga’s playful “i don’t yet know how to retract my claws” kitten scratches. yes, there is such a disease as ‘cat scratch disease‘. huw, that ranga of yours is an evil cat.
she then spent nearly half an hour on the phone trying to reach anyone who could do a biopsy on it, and ended up giving me a referal to some professor at rpa, who i’m seeing next week. with a bit of luck, i may even get amy as my nurse… although i think she does does stuff at the actual hospital, where as i’m going to the medical centre. she also got me to go get a blood test.
the letter’s actually pretty rad, it says i have a “persistantly enlarged non tender 2cm submental LN”, that is “soft and mobile”. i’m awesome.

so i go to get a blood test, but i misunderstood her and took the train into rpa to get said blood test. i got to the prof’s suite and his receptionist told me i have to go somewhere else for it, and luckily there was a place in ashfield (next to tek’s on liverpool road, for those who know ashfield).

then i got home and rang the parents, but now my mum’s worried as. i reckon i’ll be fine, cos i haven’t had a major disease before, and i’m pretty sure that telling other people you might have some crazy disease means you wont get the disease, so that you end up looking like a hypochondriac getting flustered about nowt.

MLL

Back in the day there was a female at our church called Jackie. She was pretty awesome, and had some ‘interesting’ views on some issues. Anyway in a Bible study one day she told us about a list she had known as her “MLL”, or ‘Most Least Liked”. It had the names of people she didn’t like, and I am fairly sure that I would have been up there at one stage or another. I have no idea the purpose of this list but today at work I thought about it and decided I was going to post my own MML. But not of people, cause I love everyone but of general things I dislike. At work I was mentally brainstorming all day and so hopefully I don’t forget some of my ideas. I imagine, being the pessimist I am, that the list will be quite long. No order…

Crocs
Gain in weight due to abandonment of physical exercise
The green couch
This post
Tim
Toe socks
Dancing movies
Dancing
Walking
Sentimentality
Chess
Art
Perspiration
Black Music
Myspazz
People who put “anything with a good beat” on their ‘music preferences’
Public Transport
Myself
Low self-esteem
Long Prayers
Meeting new people
Most vegetables
Vegetarianism
Homosexuality
Effort
People who put on ‘music preferences’, “anything with a good beat” (I am aware I already put it)
Big Brother
Australian Idol
Reality TV
American Sopies
Princess Diana
Chain mail (Don’t break the chain… it has been sent by X amount of people)
Anything less that 8 hours sleep
Late dinner
Post 2000′s Britney
Celebrities
Shopping with females
Seeing my shrink
Kevin Rudd
Politicians (all but Johnny)
Lack of vaseline
The person who says… “it’s time to go home” or “it’s getting late”- looking at you taters
Large sunglasses
Burwood Westfield

I’ll add more when I can think of them.

bad trip

i was telling huw about this dream i had the other day, and he said i should post it, so will/did.

it started out on a farm in outback victoria (though not associated with merkels or any other albury kids). i think there was a bunch of us, though i don’t know who the others were. i looked outside, and suddenly a plane dropped from the sky and crashed head-first into the ground and exploded. while we were still in shock from that, another one did the exact same less than a hundred metres from the last.
suddenly the sky was filled with MiGs and f-14s having dog fights, and the MiGs were bombing building kamikaze style. i had to run away from some that were trying to kill me for some reason, and luckily i managed to dodge the bullets. cos i’m hella rad.
then one of the kamikaze MiGs crashed into the ground really close to me, but it must have been a dud and it didn’t explode (lucky). i remembered my training (what?) that said there was a little white button in the cockpit in case of duds, that the pilot could press to explode the plane. so i had to run over to stop him before he killed us all.

i ran over and pulled him out just in time, then i cut him in half at the waist. luckily, he didn’t bleed at all. i then realised i had to hide his bottom half or he might come back and try to kil me again. so i ran over to a room and put them in there. but then a mouse ran in, and i had to get it out cos i knew it would eat the guy’s legs and that would be bad. as i had just got the mouse out, ranga ran in, as did a small dog (but it wasn’t bella). i had to remove them all several times, but each time i got them out, they’d run in just before the door shut. finally i got them out and shut the door. then, as i was walking out of the house, i realised that the room didn’t have a wall on the outside, it had been destroyed. all that effort wasted. (also, why didn’t i see that when i was in the room?)

then we went to the beach, but it wasn’t a normal beach, it was huge, and had massive sand cliffs. sometimes the waves would break all the way up the cliffs, and other times they were small. i had Bruce with me, and he really wanted to go for a swim, but it was as cold as junji’s pool, so i didn’t want to take him in. then taters appeared, in a wetsuit, and he agreed to take bruce in, cos he was gonna go for a swim anyway. i was pretty sure he was gonna get killed by the massive waves, but he went in regardless. all of a sudden, people were screaming cos a HUGE wave was coming. i can’t remember exactly, but i’m pretty sure he and bruce survived. [edit: i now remember, as the wave was coming, i was looking at some Fabergé match box cars.]

after the beach, we were coming back home and the war was still going on, but it was more annoying than scary. then i saw the pilot had crawled over to his bottom half and stitched his legs back on. then i realised it was harrison ford (!). he was actually a pretty decent guy and did’t try to kill me anymore. how nice of him.

as we were discussing some of his films, another passenger jet made a crash landing infront of us, but it seemed fine, and after looking inside with x-rays, we saw that no one was hurt, and the other people decided it would be safer for them to stay in there, rather than come out here into the danger zone. i was a bit usure about this, but agreed. then someone had another look with the x-rays (note these x-rays provided moving, colour pictures, more like peeling away the outside of the plane than a normal bone x-ray) and saw that some lady was lighting a cigarette. the smoke from it was going into the air conditioning and was getting distributed through the whole plane. all of a sudden everyone sprang to life, trying to rescue the poor people inside from the cigarette smoke. i had a go at them for only caring about the smoke, not the fact that they had been in a plane crash, but after they busted open the door, it was just as well, cos most people had been knocked out by the smoke, so we had to carry them out. we were heroes. then lots of other people came from seemingly no where, wanting to “help”, but really, they just wanted to be heroes like the rest of us me.

more happened, but i’ve already talked for long enough, and also i can’t really remember it.
also, sorry about it being so long, I think the dream went on for a few hours.