Merry Australia Day

January 26, 2010

Photo on 2010-01-26 at 17.11

4-up on 2010-01-26 at 16.15 #5

:: By kimrad 1 Comment

Tomorrow Night, 9PM!

January 6, 2010

I’ve read a few travel blogs in my time, and I pretty much think they are all lame. Too many superlatives and an overabundance of adjectives make them a bit unappealing. Hopefully this one might be a bit different but Phuket if it isn’t!

I guess when you leave your wallet on the plane you may start questioning the enjoyment of a holiday, not me!, I’m loving it.

I feel like a king here. I can afford to eat lobster, beer is $1 and the locals seem to really love me. I don’t think they are used to festively plump individuals. When I walk past massage parlours, every lady(boy) wants a squeeze, tickle, rub or pat of my tummy (tummy?). One even shouted quite vividly from accross the street what she wanted me to do to her, which prompted me to think, why would I pay for that? All day tours to Islands cost peanuts (literally) and I’ve bought 40 dvds for about 80 bucks (keep that one quiet). Also, they have Maccas delivery, which I haven’t caved into yet, which quite frankly is truly amazing.

I’ve suprised and impressed myself with the manner in which I have been able to handle the heat. It’s not heaps warm here, around 33 degrees, but the humidity is like a wall of death! Sure, I probably sweat out a couple of litres a day (that’s twice the amount of water I’m drinking) but it’s been alright. Chaffing (yes I know, I’m fat) is a bit of an issue with the amount of walking but that’s also bearable.

I’m a big fan of animals, but not here. On one of the main roads there is this guy who keeps cornering us and putting an iguana on our shoulders. They trick you by putting one on thre ground, so you are looking at it, then BAM! there is a skin eating lizard on your shoulder, horrifying really. Also, I was at a bar playing Jenga with a prostitute (as you do here) and some guy came up with a gibbon. The thing about monkeys is that they are so humanlike, so I could read the look on this monkeys face when the guy put it on my head. He was thinking, I’m scared of this guy but ready to kill him if needed. Thankfully I survived this encounter. Also I’ve been to a place called monkey beach. So now, when a monkey attacks you where do you go? Trees, land and water are a big no no. Pretty much you are a goner!

Driving here looks fun. I haven’t done it yet but we will hire scooters at our next town. The driving style suits me fine, see a gap and go for it with confidence. Road markings and rights of way are overated anyway.

I got a shockatoo of a singlet tan/burn. In our hotel pool one New Zealander chick asked me why I was wearing a singlet in the pool, prompting me to start to rebuke her for her error before realising the degrading nature of her joke and swimming away, taking with me whatever was left of my precious self esteem.

Other highlights so far include a trp to Maya Bay (where they filmed The Beach), having a drink at a hoorahouse where you pick girls from one side of a glass window, meeting some Finnish guys and trying to speak Swedish to them when I happen to only know dirty words in Swedish and getting my arse kicked at beach soccer by a bunch of locals.

Still here for another two weeks so keep checking back for more of Huw’s amazing adventures.

Peace out Australia!

:: By huw bizzle 1 Comment

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